Did you know that your marriage needs just as much care as your kids do? Okay maybe not as much, but it still doesn’t debunk the fact that it does.
One day, I was chatting with my mum over the phone and as usual, I shared my plans for the then impending holiday with her…
“I will buy this for the girls…” I chatted away “and do that for them. I want to take them to… cook this and that…We are going to have so much fun!”
I was feeling really chuffed and excited as I went on and on.
And when I finished, while waiting for her to respond from the other end, I received the shock of my life when she chided instead.
In her usual unassuming manner she asked, “So what will happen to your husband when all these plans are being executed? I just noticed that you didn’t include him in your plans at all”
At first, I wanted to make her realize how much times have changed, but I thought against it and told her it was because I knew he won’t be available. After I ended the call, I sat back to reflect and was somewhat abashed to realize that I couldn’t remember the last time Hubz and I had gone out alone- not to mention a romantic dinner or something related.
How right my mum was!
We weren’t unhappy but due to the fact that we led busy lives, we just ended up being so accustomed to and comfortable with making the girls the sole center of our world and God too of course.
Making your kids the sole center of your life is a good thing if you don’t go overboard anyway. Try to balance out the equation because now I’m trying to do the same but it’s not even close to easy!
Distance is a real marriage killer and constant communication is vital in every marriage, but how can that be achieved if you are not close to your spouse?
I read a statement from a book once and it kind of stuck.
It says,” Kids whose parents’ relationship have cooled are more likely to have academic problems than kids of happy couples.”
It went further to say, ”Even if you can’t see yourself going out on a date for yourselves, do it for the sake of your kids.”
Okay, so if you would like me to share some tips with you (that I’m still testing out currently by the way), please feel free to be my guest and read the rest of the post.
· Daily Highlights: My late dad (of blessed memory) passed away when I was very young but I can still remember way back into the mid 90’s when he used to do this with my mum consistently. They always discussed their best and worst moments of the day and then took turns to encourage and advise each other where necessary. This is a great tip because believe me when I say that I can’t recall ever seeing them fight… Maybe they did once in a while but it was never a big deal.
· Never assume that your partner would be an empath and read your mind. If you have a troubled mind, please share. This is one of the major causes of severe depression. Don’t conceal it ever!
· Don’t always give in to the kids’ irrelevant interruptions when you are engrossed in a serious discussion with your spouse. That tattletale or whatever minor issue it is can wait…
Like I always tell Niki, children shouldn’t interrupt when adults are conversing, unless it’s Extremely Important.
Of course Niki and even Steph with her guts, are gradually getting used to that now,- in fact, they usually complete the rest of the sentence- but Mich has refused to understand it yet. This is to be expected though because she’s barely 2. She will get it with time…
…hopefully…
…because with that little angel, I’m always in awe of her own guts too sometimes.
· Adult only time is crucial if you can work it out. I know someone whose 4 kids always turn in for the night at 7:30 pm at the latest. When it’s time, they are the ones who will beckon to their other siblings, ‘ADULT TIMEEEEEEEE!’
· Be nice! Once, when Hubz came home really late and I couldn’t even reach out to him because his phones were switched off, I was panicky obviously judging by the fact that it wasn’t a norm with him, but seeing him walk in with a cool demeanour, started to change my mood from panic mode to that of anger.
I felt like, ’So nothing happened and he kept us worried for nothing.’
On a second thought however, I was naturally inclined to be understanding (because he could have gone through anything), sympathetic (because he just had a long day) and grateful that he was safe.
· Find new ways to connect and keep your relationship alive. If you share a hobby (maybe a game, book, T.V. show or even outdoor activity) for instance, indulge often.
· Ultimately, a couple that prays together, stays together. Please don’t forget that.
Little by little, the girls, hubz and I are gradually learning that we can actually be the centre of each other’s worlds after all. It’s all about setting your priorities right, finding a way to connect and investing in things that actually matter.
XOXO,
Yours Truly.
