The word is ‘marriage’, not male or female chauvinism.
Why should anyone think otherwise? *putting up a poker face*.
It’s so disillusioning to think of the predominance of people who actually think that they are in a duel with their spouses when that should not be so.
I want to share the experience of someone I know who is going through a rough patch in his barely 2 year old marriage.
Stay glued to the screen as the post unfolds.
He lives in Europe and hadn’t come back in a while, until few years ago when his mother found a lady for him to marry.
He travelled home to see her, was satisfied and went ahead to pay her dowry. But from that point, their relationship has not known a moment’s peace in the real sense of the word.
It all started when the guy’s mother asked the lady to come and live with her (MIL), since in Ibo culture, a lady whose dowry has been paid is traditionally a wife and ideally, should live in her matrimonial home if the need arises.
At first, the lady and her parents disapproved and remained adamant about her going to live with her MIL. However, after what seemed like a feud between the two families, she reluctantly went to live with her – for a few weeks anyway. It was more like a short visit, only that her hubby complained of her misconduct during that period… the list was endless, her lazy attitude to house chores, cooking, washing dirty laundry and so on.
Now some people may argue that she’s not in the position to do all that because she was a wife and not a servant, but the truth is, there are certain things a wife should actually do to make a house a home. Take the cooking part for instance.
Then again people differ.
That didn’t last long and a few months later, her hubby came back again to finalize their white wedding plans and that was when another story materialized. When her MIL volunteered to help out with the deco and shopping she vehemently refused with reasons that it was her wedding and hence, she had the final say. Her hubby’s pleas for peace fell on deaf ears yet again.
It went on and on until the D day dawned, the wedding turned out to be a successful event but at the end of the day, in retrospect to relaxing and chilling in a hotel room on what was supposed to be their wedding night, she rather sent her hubby out into the dark, cold night to get their wedding cake from his parents’ house when she discovered that they hadn’t brought it along. I mean it would still be her wedding cake if it was brought the next day right?
Again, for peace sake, he obliged her, even when doing that caused a fight between him and his family who felt he was being emasculated by the lady who was supposed to be a wife to him.
When she felt that the steam had cooled down a bit, she brought up the topic of her own choice of accommodation. She wasn’t going to live in the same city or even state with his mother whom she referred to as a witch. This was the same woman who found her and introduced to her son. It put a strain on the relationship but then again, he gave in as usual. She has really discovered his weak point and was tweaking it to her advantage just the way she wanted.
I feel that she was taking for granted the fact that he was a peace maker who loved her dearly and would go any length for her.
Her hubby’s reason for giving in was that it would make the storm to settle and according to him, they had reached a resolution and his wife had promised to always succumb to his every wish after settling the accommodation issue to suit her own interest.
Well guess what? He was to be highly disappointed because as you may have rightly fathomed out, after the relocation to the lady’s choice state, things went from worse to worst.
There was lots of third party interference from priests to family members and well wishers but it was just not yielding positive fruits.
Stories have it that the lady’s mum whom I forgot to mention has always been in the picture, was the one behind all her daughter’s ill manner. She won’t let her SIL see his daughter when he comes back from Europe, which was often by the way. She was always all about the money, money, money that he had to offer.
For the record, they are still together – but only just! They have a baby together and baby number 2 is on the way, so you see why this is a really precarious situation!
Her hubby has also confided that he has solid evidence to prove that she is two timing as well, from the GPS app he installed on her phone and synced to his, to calls and chats. He sends almost 300k monthly for her upkeep and yet, she always nags about not ever having enough to cater for herself, mum and kids. To cap it all, she has refused to get a job but rather prefers to be a nagging stay at home mum.
As things are, if there is anything you know that can make things to work out, we would love to know or read all about it in the comment section below.
What sort of image and feelings does the word ‘marriage’ conjure in your mind’s eye?
XOXO,
Yours Truly.
Nikimandi
