Hey Lovelies,
There is nothing wrong with feeling as though your identity as a mother comes first – I feel this way too.
I don’t mind being called Niki mami at all, but then I had a name before that, right? Still do. So that identity still plays a key role in my pursuit of self-care. I’ve found that taking care of a little part of you that existed before motherhood is just the perfect way to create that balance in your life.
Self-care isn’t a one-size fits all concept and in reality, your own self-care needs could even change from time to time. Learning how to practise it boils down to being intentional, making time and striking a balance.
Mom guilt is one path that mums can’t help but take every now and then, and it’s incredibly complex because you feel bad for wanting a break and then you feel even more guilty for taking one!
Self-care rules that crushing feeling out though.
I remember when I had my first daughter. I would feel bad taking a break while she napped because I figured I should rather be doing something else, like meal prep or cleaning up the house, so I could focus 100% of my attention on Niki while she was awake.
Years down the line, I know better. Even if those chores won’t sort themselves out, I would still feel better doing them because I feel good about myself from taking care of my own personal needs first.
See it as driving a car with an empty tank. That’s impossible! It sure feels that way when you push yourself to do certain things due to mum guilt, forgetting that self-care should be one of your topmost priorities, as a mum. You’re not just doing it for you, you’re doing it for your family too. They need you- The Whole You.
For instance, when was the last time you read a good book, saw a good movie, bought something new, took a nap, even went for a walk, made a new hairstyle or baked that sweet treat you love so much? Anytime I get over the mum guilt feeling, I felt like there’s this new version of me, and I’m always a better mum for it.
Selfcare is a necessity, not an indulgence. Taking care of yourself puts you in a better position to be a better mum overall. If you spend all day, preparing meals without asking for help, picking up after the kids without delegating chores, and trying to be the ‘supermum’ figure, you are definitely going to be exhausted, with no energy reserved for another round of mum duties. Eventually, you’ll hit a wall.
So in future, if I happen to have a newborn crying in the wee hours of the morning, I’m likely going to shut my eyes tight and nudge Hubz with my elbow. After all, we’re in this together. Pun intended.
But seriously, I don’t want to raise daughters who put themselves last, thinking they don’t deserve their own ’me time’. We make deep impressions on our kids, much more than we give ourselves credit for. So, let’s think it through and make the right impressions instead.
When was the last time you had a chance to clear your head, mama? You work hard and deserve it! Which self-care ideas usually work for you? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
XOXO
Yours Truly
Nikimandi.
