Hi Lovelies,
I’ve recently heard or met several women who are struggling in their marriages. Women who have been hurt, painfully so, by their husbands — the very men they trusted enough to vow a lifetime to. These women are brokenhearted, confused, and wondering what’s to come. Are you one of these women?
I would usually not talk about it openly here on this blog, for obvious reasons… some are still healing, while some are private, personal, painful stories. But one or two have given their consent to publish anonymously, and I felt this will be a good platform to learn from too, so I’ve decided to start sharing the few I can. Maybe someday I’ll write a book about the struggles that marriages have had to overcome, but until then, I do want to write this.
This particular lady stayed because she believed marriage is a sacred and holy covenant that is not meant to be broken. Yes, she believed there are times when it is appropriate, right, and even respectable to leave. Sometimes, divorce is the only way. But she also believed God is a God of miracles. He is the ultimate healer and forgiver. He redeems what is broken, He renews what is fading. And so, even though she had every right to walk away, she stayed.
This lady was broken and hurt for the longest time. She was in the deepest pain ever. But she still chose to stay. She chose not to break her vows. She chose to stay true to the covenant she had made on the day she walked down the aisle. People called her all sorts of names, some even stopped lending a listening ear, but she was resolute.
‘Was it easy?’ I asked, because I found it unbelievable.
‘Not a chance,’ she replied. ‘It was the hardest thing.’
In fact, in her words, it was the hardest thing she had ever done in her lifetime. It took a lot of work — prayer, scripture reading, listening to worship music constantly, going to counseling — and it took even more mental work-learning to forgive, the betrayals, the miscarriages, the abuse, and letting go of hurts.
According to her, it took many months before her marriage began to heal. But she left an important piece of advice;
NEVER BRING UP THE PAST DURING AN ARGUMENT. MOST TIMES, PAST EXPERIENCES ARE TOO PAINFUL TO HEAR.
Disclaimer- Every marriage is unique. I won’t tell you to stay because another did. Neither will I tell you to leave. It’s up to you and you alone to decide at the end of the day.
But I pray that you make the right decision that will be beneficial to you and everyone or everything you hold dear.
I don’t know your story. I don’t know what you’ve been through. I don’t know what you’re thinking — if you are leaning toward leaving or leaning toward staying. But in every decision you make, I hope you find peace.
If you know a woman who has been through the darkness and finally overcame, if you have struggled in your marriage at some point and you stayed, will you leave a comment below? Let’s grow a mum community together and encourage the women who are in the midst of this.
Next week I’d share some stories on how several mums have survived this phase of their marital journey. I hope this keeps you inspired.
XOXO
Yours Truly
Nikimandi
