A few months back, someone I know ( I will call her May-for anonymity sake) called me in the middle of the night. She was frantic and I had to calm her down in order to hear her coherently. She was crying… in fact, it was a wail and she couldn’t be consoled. She went on and on about how she had made the biggest mistake of her life by getting married to her present husband, who used to beat her at the slightest provocation. she needed someone, a married person she could talk to, who will not apportion blames.
To cut a long story short, I tried to calm her down as much as I could and promised to keep an appointment to find a solution to the problem which was becoming rather intermittent and disturbing.
Many times, the ability to shoulder responsibility comes with age, so it is only natural that a lady would want to get married to a much older man, who she believes will pet and treat her like a baby; as was the case in the above scenario, although it wasn’t entirely true,
Here is the chemistry behind that stereotype, when a woman marries someone much older than her, they tend to have different perspectives of the world and they would easily have conflicts due to divergent views. On the other hand, some would still argue that it’s not the case. If the wife wants to be respected and avoid conflict, she should learn to be submissive and show some respect to the much older man or better still marry her age mate, who may overlook some of her excesses which the older man may have seen as rude and offensive.
Have you ever wondered what God’s intended role is for man in marriage? What does being a leader insinuate and who should be helping whom at home?
I think both parties should play a major role in making the relationship work because if it’s one sided, then it’s bound to suffer. Below I shared a few of the tips I gave to May;
· Confront yourself for the sake of your own integrity and personal development.
· Don’t count on your spouse confronting him/herself … that’s his/her business.
· Stop taking your spouse’s reactions personally.
· Don’t react to your feelings.
· Stop trying to change your spouse.
· Stop trying to make your spouse listen, accept or validate you.
· Forget about working on the relationship, and start working on yourself first.
· Focus on your self, and not what your spouse isn’t doing.
Hubbies, wifeys, please fight with and for your spouses and not against them. Let’s move a step ahead of the paradox stage. XOXO!!!!
