There has been a lot of hubbub surrounding the ‘house help’ notion in recent times. Due to all the loathsome stories circulating at high frequency, one can be faced with the indecision of concluding if they are a necessity or otherwise. Well in my own case, hubz made up my mind for me.
I used to fall under the category of people who say that they can never have a total stranger live in their homes with them. I mean, considering past personal experience or that of others, would you blame them? But then like some others say, life happens…
…And life has found me living with a help for almost 5 years now. Something I would have sworn I would never do on a normal day (normal day now being the days before the kids started making their debut, LOL).
The secret you say? Well, I will definitely share ‘it’ with you.
Of course as you already know, people have different personalities, temperaments and more, so be rest assured that you may find yourself dealing with helps who have alter egos, dual personality disorder, amnesia, even high IQs and extremely good parts if you are lucky.
People always ask what I’ve done differently to be able to stay with a help for that long. Before I continue, I must admit that it hasn’t been all rosy all the way, but from day one, I had laid down some of my rules and principles which I made sure to instil in her and now, she totally understands what to do, when to do them and how things should be done the way I would prefer. She also knows when she has overstepped her boundary because I always use the carrot and stick approach- I would scold when I need to and reward when necessary too.
FYI- Your house help should be like a younger sister to you more or less and not a slave. After all, she is only human like the rest of us and circumstance beyond her control just made things evolve the way they did. It’s only logical that we treat them well, not just because the kids are often left in their care like some would argue, (I rarely do that though) but because it’s the right thing to do, and then there’s the golden rule- Treat others how you would like to be treated.
My Secrets-
It’s always important to refer to these basic guidelines as they would inform your decision making process when choosing a help. They helped me TOTS!
Prayers- Don’t underestimate the power of prayers. God’s intervention is key.
· Knowing who you are bringing into your house to a reasonable extent.
· Age of the person- not too old to be seen as a threat nor too young to be saddled with certain responsibilities.
· How comfortable you are in their presence.
· Comprehensive interview. This should also be intermittent; don’t make them feel uncomfortable though. Just be the ‘inquisitive madam’ who likes to ask questions and trust me, you’d be surprised at what you may unravel.
· Medical test- Actually, this ought to be among the first on the list. But at this point, I would just advice that you do what suits you and prioritize accordingly.
· Temperaments- Mood swings and stuff happens; they are inevitable. Just move with the flow and don’t expect perfection always. That way, you won’t be disappointed.
· Anger management- Like my colleague would say, ‘Anyone who gets you upset has some control over you.’ So know how and when to manage your anger effectively when they do things out of ordinary. Because trust me, they will. Don’t they all?
· Overlook flaws- Please be tolerant, especially over trivial issues because nobody is perfect, not even you.
· Appreciate them- little tokens of gifts and love go a long way. Once in a while, I have to answer the JAMB question from friends on why I’m always polite to my help and even say thank you when she completes a chore. They asserted that I was the one doing her a bigger favor. But come to think of it, I would have shown appreciation to others who served a purpose, so why would hers be different?
If you are more or less like me, then some of your reasons for having a live-in help could range from the nature of your job to having young children. And we all know what a handful that can be. Although, it could be argued that lots of people still make it work out for them without having domestic helps. It’s all about choice, I suppose.
P.S.: Remember that no human is indispensible and as such, it won’t be wise to depend completely on them or trust them 100%. Always have a backup plan if and when push comes to shove. You may just need to readjust your mindset and schedule when required.
Are you a fan of having live-in helps and domestic staff or not? What’s your take on the subject and why? I would love to know. Please share!
XOXO,
Yours Truly.
